Hello IVF #2

The last 12 days have been a living hell. IVF on its own is a roller coaster of emotions, but IVF with no embryos to transfer is a whole new mind game.

Its like a grieving process, you go through second guessing everything, finding someone/something to blame, self diagnosis and research and then finally acceptance. Google is like the little devil that sits on your shoulder and tells you to "just Google one more thing".

At times I wasn't sure who was having a harder time dealing with this, although we both dealt with it in different ways. Michael had the Google devil on his shoulder while I cried a lot. I found a lot of comfort with the girls on the Infertility discussion board on the Bump. I believe Michael found his comfort in research.

On Tuesday we went to see Dr. K for our WTF appointment - as in what the fuck happened. He addressed all our concerns without us really needing to ask. Since he's been doing this for 20+ years I'm sure he knew what would have been asked.

Essentially, it boils down to my medication doses. I'm considered a poor responder and I wasn't stimulated enough. They thought I would have had more mature eggs at retrieval. He didn't see a need to do any further testing at this time because he thinks if he ups my doses the next time I will have more mature eggs and more to fertilize that will make it to transfer. He seemed confident he'd have me pregnant by Christmas.

As part of our grieving and the Google Devil, we also looked into a couple other clinics. We've agonized over whether or not to switch clinics for at least a full week. In the end, we've decided we would have a consult with the new doctor but in the meantime, I'm starting my BCP for my second IVF.

I finally feel like the grieving, anxiety and tension are behind us and we can move ahead. We should have a good weekend. I have a hair appointment followed by Notre Dame football game and then a birthday party for a friend on Saturday. Sunday should be our normal routine - Mendards and the grocery store.