From the Mouth of Michael: Porn Freak

I don't know what was going on in the nurses' head; when they heard a female voice moaning and groaning, along with the slapping sounds followed by an "oh yeah". I was already uneasy going with Rebecca to have the egg retrieval. This is a picture of us right before the egg retrieval and the 'incident'.

It was our second time through the process and the second retrieval we have gone through. I was more nervous this second time for a few reasons. My first time through the retrieval experience was a 'do it in a cup at home'. Which is less nerve racking because I am what you would say 'in the comfort zone'. This time around, I would have to do the deed in a room that felt like I was in a closet that had plumbing. Once again I feared of making sure I could perform on myself properly, and at the same time having the fear of making an 'air ball'. Yes, missing the rim (the cup).

I came prepared with my portable DVD player and a new video that I had never experienced before the retrieval. So I had to do a little previewing before I started my 'duty' for the day. I plugged in my ear buds and pressed play with my shaky finger. Well, we don't have to go into the process any further than that. The outcome is I performed and got enough to to work with.

Once completed, my heart dropped. I took out my ear buds and suddenly realized the sounds of a woman 'going through the ringer' was blasting from my DVD player speakers. It usually cuts out the sound when the ear buds are plugged in. But not this time. I was wondering why the sound through the ear buds was much louder and clearer than usual.

While my wife is being put out and having things shoved in her that are not 'natural' all I could think about was what the nurses were thinking. I was red in the face and just wanted to sneak out of the 'closet'. But instead, I had to hit the intercom button to let the nurse know she needed to come retrieve my sample (load). The sad thing is that the nurse probably new it was time to collect after all the moaning and groaning came to an abrupt end.

It is funny how the initial fear was not even close to as bad as my experience in that damn 'beat me off closet'. I went into the waiting room, just anticipating my wife coming out crying. That is because that is what happened during the first retrieval (estrogen levels at the scary range). I knew the only good thing to come of my 'volume mishap', was if she came out crying, I had something to make her laugh. Still wasn't so funny to me at that point, but I still wanted to share my embarrassment (for the sake of keeping my wife from crying).

I think I told her three or four separate times of what happened. I got her to chuckle each time. The only problem was that every time I told my 'closet story', I thought she was coherent. But unfortunately that was not the case. I would tell her what happened followed by a chuckle, and two minutes later she would ask me what happened. I don't think my story is what kept Rebecca from crying this time. I think it was that she went into the whole process being more prepared and stronger. I am proud of Rebecca holding in the tears. She did great!

The next fear settled in. That being the car ride home after the retrieval. The car ride was either going to be joyousness and full of conversation or a ride home filled with doom and gloom and a lot of silence!

The doctor came in and told us he retrieved seven. This came as a relief (finally). Considering our poor out come through the first IVF procedure. We never even made it to the transfer the first time. We had seven compared to the four retrieved in the first attempt. That meant we had three more "chances" of getting at least one good fertilized egg. That being so, I would have to say we would probably be talking positively with each other on the way home, rather than the painful silence.

So, if anyone out there that reads this; use this little blog to help warn any husbands out there going through the IVF procedures - test your volume before putting in ear buds. It is sure amazing the technological quality they have come up with to make ear buds able to cancel out about 99% of all outside sounds. Please warn your husband and/or let anyone you know going through this. It could make the difference in having it feel less uncomfortable between the 'Porn Freak' and the nurses, to make sure the sound is only with the one performing and not directed out into the halls outside of the 'closet'.

Now onto the last fear I was facing. That fear being the greatest of all. How many were mature-how many will fertilize- and how many will be transferred? With this blog pointing out all of my fears, I can comfortably say I hope this is the last final experience of our IVF procedures! My wife and I both can not take the influx of hormones going on in the process while being stuck with needles everyday. Injecting something into the female body that can alter her mood and feelings in a great way can be scary in itself.

I have come up with a scenario that could possibly sum up the IVF process. The process is like going through the airport with the security alert level being on red. You will probably eventually get to your flight, but you will have to go through hell to get there!