Let the Journey Begin

If I was motivated or had the time, I probably should have started blogging about a year ago when our wonderful journey began. By wonderful, I mean frustrating, exhausting, exciting, happy and sad all in one journey.

We've been married for just over three years. In those three years we've done some amazing traveling, developed some new and expensive hobbies like scuba diving, landscaping (yes, for us, that turned into a hobby) and created a wonderfully beautiful life together.

You never really know when you are ready to start a family, and then when you are told you can't, you realize just how ready you might have been. In 2007 I was diagnosed with polymyositis, an auto immune disease that caused my white blood cells to attack and destroy my muscle tissue. I was told I needed to be on steroids and heavy immunosuppressants to get this condition under control. I was told under no circumstances could I get pregnant during this time as the medication was lethal to a fetus. It was at that doctor's appointment, with my husband holding my hand, that I (actually, we) realized we might have been ready to start a family.

For the next 8 months all we did was talk about the day we could start a family. We would daydream about growing our family, wondering how Nina and Billy (our fantastic dogs) would like to have a little kid to play with and how family vacations would really become family vacations. We had built up so much excitement and desire for a baby that when the time finally came and my doctor told me I was in remission (actually, she told me I "graduated" from treatment) and no longer needed the meds we began the countdown, letting my body clear itself of all the medication, including birth control.

We did everything right, I met with my ob/gyn (also known as Dr. Flinstone, per my husband Mike) and started my prescription prenatal vitamins. It was at that appointment he told me to come back in 6 months if after well-timed sex, I wasn't pregnant. I listened to his "fairytale" stories about a prince and princess that want to have a baby and they get pregnant right away but this other prince and other princess don't get pregnant until a whole year later so that means this prince (Mike) and this princess (me) could be average and take anywhere from 6-12 months.

Don't get me wrong, I love Dr. Flinstone. He actually delivered me and my brother. He has a fabulous bedside manner and can make anyone feel comfortable in the most uncomfortable situations. In a nutshell, he was telling me not to worry and stress about it, but if I wanted to, I could come back in 6 months for further testing.

And yes, after 6 months of charting, using ovulation prediction kits, having Nazi style (demanding) sex and watching my friends easily get pregnant, Mike and I decided it was time to head back to Dr. Flinstone. Mind you, we actually have been dreaming about having a baby for a full 18 months, 6 of which we were actively trying to conceive.

At this point, I'm fully confident we made the right decision by starting testing at 6 months. It turned out I have an under-active thyroid. Mike also has an under-active thyroid, low testosterone, low sperm motility and morphology. So in all reality, the chances of us conceiving on our own were less than 1%.

Its been about another 6 months since that diagnosis, several sperm-improving treatments (or lack-there-of) and numerous trips to the urologist and fertility clinic. Poor Mike has spent more time spooging into a cup than any man ever should. I'm partly convinced that is why he put surround sound in our bedroom. You see, the fertility clinic is about 8 miles from the house, so he was able to "collect" his sample at home and drop off within a half hour. And seriously, doesn't porn sound better in surround sound? I joked with him that now its like we're having an orgy.

So here we are a full 14 cycles of actively trying to conceive, plus 12 full months of wanting but not being to try to conceive and we are still in the same place. At least that is what it feels like.

The doctor's appointments and consultations and hearing our chance of conceiving on our own is only 1% have been tough. Dr. K at the fertility clinic had hoped treatments would improve Mike's number and we would be able to do an IUI (intra-uterine insemination). After a couple months of treatment, we went back to Dr. K and he told us our only real option was IVF (invitro fertilization).

Mike and I had two totally different reactions to this news. Mike was excited and was ready to sign the dotted like a business deal. I however, was far more emotional - I just couldn't believe the one thing that is supposed to be so natural wouldn't be so natural for us. It killed me on the inside but in my heart, I knew this was our best chance. The two week time span between that doctor's appointment and our IVF teach session were the loneliest times of my life. In part because I was traveling a lot for work, but also because Mike and I were in two separate places.

The day of the teach session arrived and was our changing point. It was at that point, when I was freaking out about injections, doing something wrong and this not working that Mike really stepped up and became very involved. He's offered to help with the injections, he checked and organized the giant box of needs, meds, sharps box that came Fed Ex from a specialty fertility clinic and made me color coded calendar on what I (we) need to do on a daily basis.

And it is now, today, the day I start my Lupron injections tonight at 7:30 pm per my color coded calendar developed by my loving husband.