10 Weeks

Not much to look at, but I figured its only a matter of time before I have a belly or more bloat and wish I had a belly shot of a relatively flat stomach. Unfortunately, I had a stupid look on my face so I had to crop my had off!

Thankfully, I finally started to feel better last week. Don't get me wrong, I still feel great, but at least I can eat more than crackers and grilled cheese. I was really sick from about 5 1/2 weeks through 9 weeks. Not that long in the grand scheme of things, but the guilt I felt made everything so much worse.

I mean, getting pregnant was a 2 1/2 year journey with 4 IVF cycles and I was miserable for the first couple weeks. I felt like I should have been happy and enjoying it. Instead I was moaning and groaning and so sick to my stomach.

I know its just the beginning of my pregnancy and I'm sure there are many more aches and pains in store, but for now, I'm going to feel happy and enjoy what I can!

How far along: 10 Weeks
Weight gain/loss: 0, finally back to my pre-pregnancy weight after losing 5 lbs early on
Maternity clothes: not yet
Sleep: wake up at nearly 1 am every night to go to the bathroom
Best moment this week: The u/s on Friday was amazing! Both babies were dancing away!
Food cravings: fruit and hamburgers
Gender: current feeling is 2 boys
Movement: too early
What I miss: having energy and working out
What I'm looking forward to: the NT scan on 1/12

Long Overdue Update

We are super excited to be expecting twins! I'm currently 9w6d along and while I didn't want to blog about the procedure, the risks and the emotional baggage, I did keep track knowing I would go back and update my blog, if for nothing more than my own personal reference.

Here is the quick timeline on where we've been:
Egg retrieval: 11/2
Embryo transfer: 11/7
First positive HPT: 6dp5dt on 11/13
First beta: 9dp5dt 347
Second beta: 12dp5dt 1,073
First u/s: 12/3 showed Twins and strong heartbeats
Second u/s: 12/24 (below) showed twins moving and dancing

Second beta equally as bad

I got more bad news again today. My beta hadn't changed since Friday. It was still 7.9. What boggles my mind though, are the positive home pregnancy tests I've gotten, Saturday, Sunday and today. I just cannot believe a 7.9 would show up as positive.

I was told to stop the progesterone and estrogen and come back in on Friday to make sure its going down to zero. Part of me wants to keep taking it and hope for a miracle, but the other side of me says let it go and move on.

The problem now is that I feel like I can get pregnant and I really want to try again. Like maybe there is hope for biological baby. I'm guessing this is the same part of me that wants to keep taking the meds.

Unfortunately, we are now100% out of pocket on all infertility and adoption costs and I just can't fathom the financial risk of trying IVF #4 with my eggs and Michael's sperm. I mean we've already had 3 failed attempts.

First beta - not so good

On Thursday 6/24 (10dp3dt) I tested with a First Response Early Results home pregnancy test and got a negative. Of course I was disappointed, but at this point, I just wanted to move on, figure out what our next step will be (adoption or donor eggs/donor sperm).

On Friday 6/25 (11dp3dt) I went in for my beta. I told Cindy, my nurse it was negative and she said she would hold out hope for me. I stopped on my way to work, got a coffee, which I'd been avoiding for the last 2 weeks and went about my day.

About 2 pm I get a call from Cindy, telling me we were bot wrong. My beta was a 7.9. Anything below a 5 is considered negative and anything below a 50 is cause for concern for a first beta. She said, in all likeliness, this will end in a chemical pregnancy.

Honestly, I wasn't even sad, I was shocked and couldn't believe this mind fuck game that was about to ensue. This was our last shot for a biological child and I just couldn't believe it was likely going to end in a chemical pregnancy. Poor Mike just kept saying, 'but there's still a chance, right?'

So the next two days I peed on more sticks and this time got positives. I always thought I would be so happy, but instead I was just sad because I had a feeling this would drag out. And is there any hope? I don't know. But I hope so.

I'm still taking the progesterone shots and estrogen patches. I went back for my repeat beta today. I'm guessing it went up since I was getting positives on the home pregnancy tests. I just have a feeling this is going to be a long game that I just don't want to play.

Embryos on board

We went in today for a three day transfer and transferred all three. We had 10, 9 and 8 cell embryos graded 2, 2 and a 3 (1 being the best). Although we only ended up with 3, we were both glad they seemed to be progressing right along and graded alright. Here they are:

Not the news I was hoping for

We were on the train on our way into Chicago when I got the call yesterday morning. I didn't ask any questions because a) I didn't want to cry on the train and b) didn't want to air my personal information on a crowded train.

All I know is 3 eggs fertilized. We are both extremely disappointed because we were both hoping this would be the one. Now, we just aren't so sure. I'm waiting for a call this morning to find out what time we need to be at the office on Monday for the 3 day transfer.

A full carton of eggs

We just got back from the egg retrieval and both of us, as well as Dr. D. are happy with the 12 eggs he retrieved. At this point, I hope the DHEA did some magic and my eggs are good quality and fertilize normally.

Tomorrow we will find out the fertilization report. As long as its more than 3, which is what we had last time, we will be happy. So far, I'd say we are off to a good start and I know Dr. D. is really pleased.

Fingers still crossed!