Second beta equally as bad

I got more bad news again today. My beta hadn't changed since Friday. It was still 7.9. What boggles my mind though, are the positive home pregnancy tests I've gotten, Saturday, Sunday and today. I just cannot believe a 7.9 would show up as positive.

I was told to stop the progesterone and estrogen and come back in on Friday to make sure its going down to zero. Part of me wants to keep taking it and hope for a miracle, but the other side of me says let it go and move on.

The problem now is that I feel like I can get pregnant and I really want to try again. Like maybe there is hope for biological baby. I'm guessing this is the same part of me that wants to keep taking the meds.

Unfortunately, we are now100% out of pocket on all infertility and adoption costs and I just can't fathom the financial risk of trying IVF #4 with my eggs and Michael's sperm. I mean we've already had 3 failed attempts.

First beta - not so good

On Thursday 6/24 (10dp3dt) I tested with a First Response Early Results home pregnancy test and got a negative. Of course I was disappointed, but at this point, I just wanted to move on, figure out what our next step will be (adoption or donor eggs/donor sperm).

On Friday 6/25 (11dp3dt) I went in for my beta. I told Cindy, my nurse it was negative and she said she would hold out hope for me. I stopped on my way to work, got a coffee, which I'd been avoiding for the last 2 weeks and went about my day.

About 2 pm I get a call from Cindy, telling me we were bot wrong. My beta was a 7.9. Anything below a 5 is considered negative and anything below a 50 is cause for concern for a first beta. She said, in all likeliness, this will end in a chemical pregnancy.

Honestly, I wasn't even sad, I was shocked and couldn't believe this mind fuck game that was about to ensue. This was our last shot for a biological child and I just couldn't believe it was likely going to end in a chemical pregnancy. Poor Mike just kept saying, 'but there's still a chance, right?'

So the next two days I peed on more sticks and this time got positives. I always thought I would be so happy, but instead I was just sad because I had a feeling this would drag out. And is there any hope? I don't know. But I hope so.

I'm still taking the progesterone shots and estrogen patches. I went back for my repeat beta today. I'm guessing it went up since I was getting positives on the home pregnancy tests. I just have a feeling this is going to be a long game that I just don't want to play.

Embryos on board

We went in today for a three day transfer and transferred all three. We had 10, 9 and 8 cell embryos graded 2, 2 and a 3 (1 being the best). Although we only ended up with 3, we were both glad they seemed to be progressing right along and graded alright. Here they are:

Not the news I was hoping for

We were on the train on our way into Chicago when I got the call yesterday morning. I didn't ask any questions because a) I didn't want to cry on the train and b) didn't want to air my personal information on a crowded train.

All I know is 3 eggs fertilized. We are both extremely disappointed because we were both hoping this would be the one. Now, we just aren't so sure. I'm waiting for a call this morning to find out what time we need to be at the office on Monday for the 3 day transfer.

A full carton of eggs

We just got back from the egg retrieval and both of us, as well as Dr. D. are happy with the 12 eggs he retrieved. At this point, I hope the DHEA did some magic and my eggs are good quality and fertilize normally.

Tomorrow we will find out the fertilization report. As long as its more than 3, which is what we had last time, we will be happy. So far, I'd say we are off to a good start and I know Dr. D. is really pleased.

Fingers still crossed!

Trigger tonight and egg retrieval on Friday

I went in again this morning for monitoring - third day in a row. This always seems to happen. Its like I'm almost there but not yet and I go in several days in a row.

Needless to say, I was happy when my phone rang and caller ID showed it was Cindy calling with my news. The first she said was Dr. Deutch is really excited with the way I've been responding. My e2 is the highest its ever been and I have more (and more mature) follies than I've ever had (thank you DHEA).

Here is where I'm at at trigger with the caveat that Dr. D. did this ultrasound and the last two have been done by Cindy. She said he doesn't measure all of them, only the several biggest ones.

e2: 3, 481
Lining: 10
Right ovary: 14, 14, 14, 15, 16
Left ovary: 10, 11, 15, 16, 17, 17, 20

Cindy said they expect to get somewhere around 10 at retrieval - could be less, could be more. Either way I'm totally stoked. As recap, IVF #1 yielded 3 mature eggs, IVF #2 yielded 7 mature eggs and I'm really hoping our last and final IVF kicks some serious egg-ass.

I trigger tonight at 9:50 pm and egg retrieval is Friday at 7:50 am.

I called Michael with the exciting news and also alerted him that we either needed to have sex tonight or he needed to take care of himself. He laughed and told me he would try to wait until I got home from work. Nice answer big guy.

Unfortunately, the IVF bloat, terrible complexion and bruised up blood-drawing arms don't make me feel all too sexy....unless of course we role play that I'm a dirty IV-drug user, because that's sorta what I feel like.

Not quite there yet

I went in for monitoring again this morning. I'm close, but not quite there yet. Here is where I'm at:

e2: 2, 432
Right ovary: 9, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17
Left ovary: 10, 10, 12, 12, 14, 15, 15, 16
And 6 smaller ones

My IVF nurse Cindy told me I'm 'progressing beautifully' and theoretically, anything at size 12 at trigger will be mature by egg retrieval. Cindy mentioned I've been growing at an average of 2 mm per day so she is hoping my 10's get to 12's. That would be fabulous news. Although at this point I'd be happy with 7 again as long as more fertilize.

I go back again tomorrow morning and will likely trigger tomorrow for the egg retrieval on Friday. Fingers are crossed!

In the midst of IVF #3

I've been a bad blogger. We took a 3 month break and I just recently started stims for our last and final IVF on 5/30/10. It wasn't until I was curious about my follicles and e2 and looked back at my blog that I decided I should keep blogging.

In the 3 month break, I started taking DHEA, which I had to twist Dr. Deutch's arm in order for him to prescribe. Hopefully the DHEA has helped improve my egg quality and quantity.

I'm doing the microdose-lupron protocol. I'm on 20 units of diluted lupron twice daily, 450 units of gonal-f, 10 units of low dose HCG and baby asprin.

I went in for monitoring this morning and the picture looks a little something like this:

e2: 1,980
Right ovary: 11, 11, 12, 13, 15, 17
Left ovary: 10, 12, 12, 12, 13, 14
And 5 smaller ones

I started this cycle with the highest antral follicle count I've ever had, 17, rather than 11 and 9. I like to think this is because of the DHEA. I was also complimented on my ovaries looking better than they've ever looked. Quite possibly the best compliment I've ever received.

I go back tomorrow and I'm guessing I will be triggering tomorrow night. My fingers are really crossed. We are out of insurance coverage after this one so our next options would be out of pocket for donor eggs and sperm or adoption.