Tuesday, December 28, 2010

10 Weeks

Not much to look at, but I figured its only a matter of time before I have a belly or more bloat and wish I had a belly shot of a relatively flat stomach. Unfortunately, I had a stupid look on my face so I had to crop my had off!

Thankfully, I finally started to feel better last week. Don't get me wrong, I still feel great, but at least I can eat more than crackers and grilled cheese. I was really sick from about 5 1/2 weeks through 9 weeks. Not that long in the grand scheme of things, but the guilt I felt made everything so much worse.

I mean, getting pregnant was a 2 1/2 year journey with 4 IVF cycles and I was miserable for the first couple weeks. I felt like I should have been happy and enjoying it. Instead I was moaning and groaning and so sick to my stomach.

I know its just the beginning of my pregnancy and I'm sure there are many more aches and pains in store, but for now, I'm going to feel happy and enjoy what I can!

How far along: 10 Weeks
Weight gain/loss: 0, finally back to my pre-pregnancy weight after losing 5 lbs early on
Maternity clothes: not yet
Sleep: wake up at nearly 1 am every night to go to the bathroom
Best moment this week: The u/s on Friday was amazing! Both babies were dancing away!
Food cravings: fruit and hamburgers
Gender: current feeling is 2 boys
Movement: too early
What I miss: having energy and working out
What I'm looking forward to: the NT scan on 1/12

Monday, December 27, 2010

Long Overdue Update

We are super excited to be expecting twins! I'm currently 9w6d along and while I didn't want to blog about the procedure, the risks and the emotional baggage, I did keep track knowing I would go back and update my blog, if for nothing more than my own personal reference.

Here is the quick timeline on where we've been:
Egg retrieval: 11/2
Embryo transfer: 11/7
First positive HPT: 6dp5dt on 11/13
First beta: 9dp5dt 347
Second beta: 12dp5dt 1,073
First u/s: 12/3 showed Twins and strong heartbeats
Second u/s: 12/24 (below) showed twins moving and dancing

Monday, June 28, 2010

Second beta equally as bad

I got more bad news again today. My beta hadn't changed since Friday. It was still 7.9. What boggles my mind though, are the positive home pregnancy tests I've gotten, Saturday, Sunday and today. I just cannot believe a 7.9 would show up as positive.

I was told to stop the progesterone and estrogen and come back in on Friday to make sure its going down to zero. Part of me wants to keep taking it and hope for a miracle, but the other side of me says let it go and move on.

The problem now is that I feel like I can get pregnant and I really want to try again. Like maybe there is hope for biological baby. I'm guessing this is the same part of me that wants to keep taking the meds.

Unfortunately, we are now100% out of pocket on all infertility and adoption costs and I just can't fathom the financial risk of trying IVF #4 with my eggs and Michael's sperm. I mean we've already had 3 failed attempts.

First beta - not so good

On Thursday 6/24 (10dp3dt) I tested with a First Response Early Results home pregnancy test and got a negative. Of course I was disappointed, but at this point, I just wanted to move on, figure out what our next step will be (adoption or donor eggs/donor sperm).

On Friday 6/25 (11dp3dt) I went in for my beta. I told Cindy, my nurse it was negative and she said she would hold out hope for me. I stopped on my way to work, got a coffee, which I'd been avoiding for the last 2 weeks and went about my day.

About 2 pm I get a call from Cindy, telling me we were bot wrong. My beta was a 7.9. Anything below a 5 is considered negative and anything below a 50 is cause for concern for a first beta. She said, in all likeliness, this will end in a chemical pregnancy.

Honestly, I wasn't even sad, I was shocked and couldn't believe this mind fuck game that was about to ensue. This was our last shot for a biological child and I just couldn't believe it was likely going to end in a chemical pregnancy. Poor Mike just kept saying, 'but there's still a chance, right?'

So the next two days I peed on more sticks and this time got positives. I always thought I would be so happy, but instead I was just sad because I had a feeling this would drag out. And is there any hope? I don't know. But I hope so.

I'm still taking the progesterone shots and estrogen patches. I went back for my repeat beta today. I'm guessing it went up since I was getting positives on the home pregnancy tests. I just have a feeling this is going to be a long game that I just don't want to play.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Embryos on board

We went in today for a three day transfer and transferred all three. We had 10, 9 and 8 cell embryos graded 2, 2 and a 3 (1 being the best). Although we only ended up with 3, we were both glad they seemed to be progressing right along and graded alright. Here they are:

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Not the news I was hoping for

We were on the train on our way into Chicago when I got the call yesterday morning. I didn't ask any questions because a) I didn't want to cry on the train and b) didn't want to air my personal information on a crowded train.

All I know is 3 eggs fertilized. We are both extremely disappointed because we were both hoping this would be the one. Now, we just aren't so sure. I'm waiting for a call this morning to find out what time we need to be at the office on Monday for the 3 day transfer.

Friday, June 11, 2010

A full carton of eggs

We just got back from the egg retrieval and both of us, as well as Dr. D. are happy with the 12 eggs he retrieved. At this point, I hope the DHEA did some magic and my eggs are good quality and fertilize normally.

Tomorrow we will find out the fertilization report. As long as its more than 3, which is what we had last time, we will be happy. So far, I'd say we are off to a good start and I know Dr. D. is really pleased.

Fingers still crossed!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Trigger tonight and egg retrieval on Friday

I went in again this morning for monitoring - third day in a row. This always seems to happen. Its like I'm almost there but not yet and I go in several days in a row.

Needless to say, I was happy when my phone rang and caller ID showed it was Cindy calling with my news. The first she said was Dr. Deutch is really excited with the way I've been responding. My e2 is the highest its ever been and I have more (and more mature) follies than I've ever had (thank you DHEA).

Here is where I'm at at trigger with the caveat that Dr. D. did this ultrasound and the last two have been done by Cindy. She said he doesn't measure all of them, only the several biggest ones.

e2: 3, 481
Lining: 10
Right ovary: 14, 14, 14, 15, 16
Left ovary: 10, 11, 15, 16, 17, 17, 20

Cindy said they expect to get somewhere around 10 at retrieval - could be less, could be more. Either way I'm totally stoked. As recap, IVF #1 yielded 3 mature eggs, IVF #2 yielded 7 mature eggs and I'm really hoping our last and final IVF kicks some serious egg-ass.

I trigger tonight at 9:50 pm and egg retrieval is Friday at 7:50 am.

I called Michael with the exciting news and also alerted him that we either needed to have sex tonight or he needed to take care of himself. He laughed and told me he would try to wait until I got home from work. Nice answer big guy.

Unfortunately, the IVF bloat, terrible complexion and bruised up blood-drawing arms don't make me feel all too sexy....unless of course we role play that I'm a dirty IV-drug user, because that's sorta what I feel like.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Not quite there yet

I went in for monitoring again this morning. I'm close, but not quite there yet. Here is where I'm at:

e2: 2, 432
Right ovary: 9, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17
Left ovary: 10, 10, 12, 12, 14, 15, 15, 16
And 6 smaller ones

My IVF nurse Cindy told me I'm 'progressing beautifully' and theoretically, anything at size 12 at trigger will be mature by egg retrieval. Cindy mentioned I've been growing at an average of 2 mm per day so she is hoping my 10's get to 12's. That would be fabulous news. Although at this point I'd be happy with 7 again as long as more fertilize.

I go back again tomorrow morning and will likely trigger tomorrow for the egg retrieval on Friday. Fingers are crossed!

Monday, June 7, 2010

In the midst of IVF #3

I've been a bad blogger. We took a 3 month break and I just recently started stims for our last and final IVF on 5/30/10. It wasn't until I was curious about my follicles and e2 and looked back at my blog that I decided I should keep blogging.

In the 3 month break, I started taking DHEA, which I had to twist Dr. Deutch's arm in order for him to prescribe. Hopefully the DHEA has helped improve my egg quality and quantity.

I'm doing the microdose-lupron protocol. I'm on 20 units of diluted lupron twice daily, 450 units of gonal-f, 10 units of low dose HCG and baby asprin.

I went in for monitoring this morning and the picture looks a little something like this:

e2: 1,980
Right ovary: 11, 11, 12, 13, 15, 17
Left ovary: 10, 12, 12, 12, 13, 14
And 5 smaller ones

I started this cycle with the highest antral follicle count I've ever had, 17, rather than 11 and 9. I like to think this is because of the DHEA. I was also complimented on my ovaries looking better than they've ever looked. Quite possibly the best compliment I've ever received.

I go back tomorrow and I'm guessing I will be triggering tomorrow night. My fingers are really crossed. We are out of insurance coverage after this one so our next options would be out of pocket for donor eggs and sperm or adoption.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Beautiful Blogger Award

Lucky me, I just found out I received my second blog award today! I'd like to thank the academy, my dear husband for providing colorful content and my wonderful readers! No really, thank you to Flutterby918 for nominating me! I think you were he first blog I started following upon embarking on this journey. You've always been uplifting and encouraging!
The instructions that go along with this award are as follows;
- Thank the person who nominated you
- Copy the award and place it in your blog
- Link to the person who nominated you
- Tell us 7 interesting things about you
- Nominate 7 bloggers
- Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate
7 interesting things about me:
1) I met my husband on Match.com 5 1/2 years ago
2) Michael and I both scuba dive and were thrilled to see reef sharks while diving last spring in Belize
3) I have been skydiving
4) I have two wonderful rescued pit bulls, Nina and Billy and they are the sweetest dogs
5) In May we are hosting a 17 year old from Jamaica with a heart condition while he gets medical treatment through a program called Healing the Children
6) I love to cook and like to make a new recipe every week
7) No matter how thin I am, I always have a big ass
Bloggers I nominate:

Monday, February 8, 2010

From the Mouth of Michael: A Kick in the Balls, Negative Beta

Man that hurts. I just got kicked in the balls without expecting it. I am feeling uncomfortable pain and a loss of breath from the blow. This all happened when I picked up the phone. Yes, by picking up the phone. It was Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010. I thought this was going to be the day when I would receive the biggest relief I would ever experience. Before going into that day, there was a really good feeling of hope that Rebecca and I were going to get the great news that Rebecca was pregnant. Unfortunately, it wasn't going to be the day I was envisioning.

It was about 2:00 pm when the phone rang. I answered the phone in just 1 ½ rings. I don't know if there is such a thing as a 1/2 ring, but the point was I answered it quickly and we know there is no way of answering the phone on just the first ring. My heart was beating and I was able to keep the phone rested against my ear from shaking. It was weird because I played out this phone call in my head all day long. But I was playing it out all wrong. In fact it was the complete opposite. I was expecting to be smiling and crying all at the same time. But, the real way it played out was I was stricken with shock. I didn't know what to say or think. We put so much into this. It was our fault for being so optimistic about getting pregnant this time. I would have to say I was 85% sure I would be getting a call with saying it worked.

It has been 4 full days since we got the "no go" news. It has been a hard transition from feeling really happy and glowing a week or so ago, to feeling confused, frustrated, sad, etc. I think we are experiencing every feeling known to man all at the same time. This is our test. God or whoever is in charge of letting someone get pregnant was not going to do us that favor. Instead, I would like to view it as "the baby keeper" wasn't willing to bless us that day. He was testing us on how we would react and feel. "The Baby Keeper" did this to make Rebecca and me stronger and more in sync with each other. After the dust settles and we are able to grapple with our infertility problems and decisions, we will look back and say we are even more prepared to be responsible, understanding adults that can come up with tough decisions in the future. With our situation and the recent news, we are being trained and prepared for tough obstacles life throws us.

If I felt like I got kicked in the nuts, I can't even come up with anything that would resemble the pain Rebecca was feeling. Maybe it is like a blow to the head resulting in a concussion. Or maybe the feeling of getting stabbed in the heart. Whatever she felt, I wish I could have felt the same thing so I would at least feel we got even "blows".

She was getting injections daily. These injections were causing crazy hormonal and chemical shifts to occur. The shifts brought feelings of uncomfortably and emotional highs and lows. I don't want to make it sound like Rebecca turned into a poltergeist and had her head spinning all the way around. Rebecca is doing as well as any female could do in this situation. She is a strong girl, but her emotions fly out like fireballs sometimes. She went through the ringer for almost a month only to get news that all those sacrifices did not work. I feel bad for Rebecca, more so than I feel sorry for myself or us in general. She did better these past few days than I expected. By saying this, in no means do I say she was alright. I am just saying I was experiencing a tornado. Her emotions were building for every moment she thought about the "negative". The buildup was causing me to think of sirens and me rounding us and the dogs up to go in the basement before our house is ripped off its foundation.

What causes a Tornado:

Tornadoes (build up of negative emotions) occur with thunderstorms (injectable stimulating medicine). There are a couple of ways that they form. Most strong and violent tornadoes occur with super cell thunderstorms (hormonal imbalance). Thunderstorms occur when warm moist air (Lupron) is forced upward by the heat of the afternoon sun, a cold front, or other weather disturbance (syringe). If the atmosphere is unstable (all the damn doctor visits), strong upward currents (Gonal-F) called updrafts lift the air until water vapor condenses forming clouds (follicle stimulation) and precipitation. The falling precipitation (HCG the trigger), causes a downward air current called a downdraft (time waiting in between retrieval and transfer). So to have thunderstorms (inject able stimulation) there must be:
1) Moisture (Lupron)
2) Unstable air (Gonal-F)
3) Something to lift the warm moist air up.

But as I mentioned most tornadoes occur with a special storm type called a super cell (the whole IVF process). Super cells occur with a certain wind conditions. The updraft in a thunderstorm to rotate (estrogen dominance). If the updraft is strong enough (levels as high as 450 pg/ml) and if the wind shear is strong enough, a tornado may occur. Super cells (Progesterone injections), also produce large hail (bloating), strong winds (loss of energy) and heavy rain (cramping).

What to do when a tornado hits:

Go to a pre-designated shelter (hug your wife) area such as a safe room, basement, storm cellar, or the lowest building level. If there is no basement (no hug), go to the center of an interior room (let her cry on your shoulder) on the lowest level. Stay away from corners (not listening), windows (say too much), doors (say something that is going to upset her more), and outside walls (don't distance yourself from your wife). Put as many walls as possible between you and the outside (give more hugs and kisses). Get under a sturdy table (talk) and use your arms (closeness) to protect your head and neck (thoughts). Do not open windows (think only negative thoughts).

I am no meteorologist, but I do feel like I am an Invitro-confused-saddened-oligist. I don't really know much about weather. I had to Google all this information. I just copied and pasted all this unnecessary information. I hope who ever reads this learns something. Weather is much easier to predict and easier to caution yourself and others from the elements. But the Invitro process is not easy to predict and when it is occurring, you don't know what the fuck to do or expect. Things can happen to a couple when you are not ready for it.
I also hope this information about "what to do", helps any husband out there on what to do and avoid doing. Trust me when I say there is nothing you can do to prepare for the bad news. The only thing you can do is pick up the pieces and build a new house. No, I don't mean build an actual new house. (but actually that would be something to take your mind and focuses off of the thought of failed IVF). Pick each other up, give each other a hug, and let things fall into place before proceeding to make the next decision. We are close to that point of coming up with the next plan. A plan is much needed to give us some closure on our recent sad thoughts. We might be facing going with options that we never thought we would ever have to choose.

Today, I am going to see if my insurance will cover another IVF. I am praying we have another one left. It would make our decision to attempt another IVF cycle much easier. The financial risks and costs on all the other options are scary when you are paying out of your own pocket. It is scary thinking if you go the donated egg or adoption route, and it works, you are starting out your new family being $25,000 - $30,000 dollars in debt. In the perfect world you are suppose to be ready to cover the additional cost of having a child.

This is and was a test on Rebecca and I. A test to better us individually and as a couple. We are being forced to make a very hard decision together. It could be the hardest decision we ever make. If it is the hardest decision, we can look forward to things seeming easier in the future. It is like when you are working out. At the gym, you feel pressured to put the most amount of weight onto the bench press bar that you can possibly lift. You want to look stronger by putting on the larger sized weights on. You could put smaller weights on that can equal you maximum weight, but visually it looks more impressive with the one large size weight. So you do a few reps of the weights that made you close to breaking a blood vessel in your head when struggling to push the bar up to the stand. Then you decide to put on less weight. When you do that, the next set of reps seem so easy because moments before you were lifting much heavier weight.
I know I went all over with this analogy. I will try to summarize this up. By lifting heavy weights and looking cool, you are setting yourself up for the next set to seem even easier. By Rebecca and I going through this and being "forced" to make a very hard decision (heavy weights). In the future (second set of reps) will make all other decisions (second set with smaller weights) seem not as tough as they really are. We will know it won't ever get any harder than this. We have hit the peak that everyone (including ourselves) avoid. Unfortunately we cannot avoid this one and we have to deal with it in our own synchronized stride together.

Bonus advice:

To all husbands that have or are going to go through the IVF cycle with their wife, I have a few suggestions. This will help husbands realize what can happen if the IVF doesn't work or let husbands relate to what it is like after getting the bad news. It is a time when your wife is not to strong and is not able to go through it alone. Guys, be strong. Show her that you are saddened, but not in a way that is going to make her cry even more than she probably is already. Also, listen to her and her thoughts before saying anything. Get a feel for where she is at. This delay will help. It is because whatever you say, she is going to be thinking that you have no right to comment on things, because "you don't know how I feel and how much I had to go through".
I made the mistake of saying too much at first. I slowly realized to talk and say the minimum. I don't think any guy knows how to really deal with a very emotionally charged woman. They don't even know how to deal with themselves. Guys you need to realize this and accept that there is no sure way to put out the fire. In my case the well was dry and the fire was spreading. I quickly re-grouped the next day. I just tried to put the idea in her head that we still have a chance for it to work and if not we have other ways to start a family. These words should be used. "If we have to go the route that wasn't our first choice, we have other ways to become parents. In the end of all this, we will have child to raise no matter what. That is a Men's Ware House guarantee."

Guys, get some flowers, a card, chocolate, etc. Anything to make her feel like you care. It also helps makes you look like the best husband at the same time. I went the card route. The biggest challenge is finding one sympathy card that doesn't involve death. I found one that was labeled "motivational" card. It was right by the cheesy sympathy cards. It was a wise purchase and helped ease the tension Rebecca and I were feeling.

The card read like this:


(Dogs and Cats would get along.)

(It would never rain on weekends.)

(Shoes would be comfortable the first time you wore them.)

*****I personally added this*******
Mamabear (Rebecca's nick name) would be pregnant.

(And only good things would happen to good people. Good people like you!)

(Sure wish I Ruled the world)

******I personally added this******
Don't give up hope. We will have a child someday.

If you want to save $3.00, make your own card using these words and look like you are so creative and sensitive all at the same time.

If anyone reads this crap, let me know what you think about it. Thank you. It feels good to vent.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Head Up My Ass: Beta Tomorrow

I'm starting to turn into a ball of nerves. I've felt so confident and positive this entire cycle. I've peed on three pregnancy tests and they've all come back negative. Of course I still have my head up my ass hoping some kind of HCG magical power will bless me with good news tomorrow.

I normally don't have head shoved up my ass, but this is the first real chance we've had at becoming pregnant. Our last IVF was cancelled at the embryo transfer so in my mind, it doesn't even count. Michael knows when I'm imagining myself pregnant, he tells me I glow. It must be the image of us being blissfully happy knowing I'm carrying a baby that keeps my head jammed up voluptuous tush.

I just don't think I'm ready to let go of that hope. Perhaps I need a miracle.

Friday, January 29, 2010

From the Mouth of Michael: Porn Freak

I don't know what was going on in the nurses' head; when they heard a female voice moaning and groaning, along with the slapping sounds followed by an "oh yeah". I was already uneasy going with Rebecca to have the egg retrieval. This is a picture of us right before the egg retrieval and the 'incident'.

It was our second time through the process and the second retrieval we have gone through. I was more nervous this second time for a few reasons. My first time through the retrieval experience was a 'do it in a cup at home'. Which is less nerve racking because I am what you would say 'in the comfort zone'. This time around, I would have to do the deed in a room that felt like I was in a closet that had plumbing. Once again I feared of making sure I could perform on myself properly, and at the same time having the fear of making an 'air ball'. Yes, missing the rim (the cup).

I came prepared with my portable DVD player and a new video that I had never experienced before the retrieval. So I had to do a little previewing before I started my 'duty' for the day. I plugged in my ear buds and pressed play with my shaky finger. Well, we don't have to go into the process any further than that. The outcome is I performed and got enough to to work with.

Once completed, my heart dropped. I took out my ear buds and suddenly realized the sounds of a woman 'going through the ringer' was blasting from my DVD player speakers. It usually cuts out the sound when the ear buds are plugged in. But not this time. I was wondering why the sound through the ear buds was much louder and clearer than usual.

While my wife is being put out and having things shoved in her that are not 'natural' all I could think about was what the nurses were thinking. I was red in the face and just wanted to sneak out of the 'closet'. But instead, I had to hit the intercom button to let the nurse know she needed to come retrieve my sample (load). The sad thing is that the nurse probably new it was time to collect after all the moaning and groaning came to an abrupt end.

It is funny how the initial fear was not even close to as bad as my experience in that damn 'beat me off closet'. I went into the waiting room, just anticipating my wife coming out crying. That is because that is what happened during the first retrieval (estrogen levels at the scary range). I knew the only good thing to come of my 'volume mishap', was if she came out crying, I had something to make her laugh. Still wasn't so funny to me at that point, but I still wanted to share my embarrassment (for the sake of keeping my wife from crying).

I think I told her three or four separate times of what happened. I got her to chuckle each time. The only problem was that every time I told my 'closet story', I thought she was coherent. But unfortunately that was not the case. I would tell her what happened followed by a chuckle, and two minutes later she would ask me what happened. I don't think my story is what kept Rebecca from crying this time. I think it was that she went into the whole process being more prepared and stronger. I am proud of Rebecca holding in the tears. She did great!

The next fear settled in. That being the car ride home after the retrieval. The car ride was either going to be joyousness and full of conversation or a ride home filled with doom and gloom and a lot of silence!

The doctor came in and told us he retrieved seven. This came as a relief (finally). Considering our poor out come through the first IVF procedure. We never even made it to the transfer the first time. We had seven compared to the four retrieved in the first attempt. That meant we had three more "chances" of getting at least one good fertilized egg. That being so, I would have to say we would probably be talking positively with each other on the way home, rather than the painful silence.

So, if anyone out there that reads this; use this little blog to help warn any husbands out there going through the IVF procedures - test your volume before putting in ear buds. It is sure amazing the technological quality they have come up with to make ear buds able to cancel out about 99% of all outside sounds. Please warn your husband and/or let anyone you know going through this. It could make the difference in having it feel less uncomfortable between the 'Porn Freak' and the nurses, to make sure the sound is only with the one performing and not directed out into the halls outside of the 'closet'.

Now onto the last fear I was facing. That fear being the greatest of all. How many were mature-how many will fertilize- and how many will be transferred? With this blog pointing out all of my fears, I can comfortably say I hope this is the last final experience of our IVF procedures! My wife and I both can not take the influx of hormones going on in the process while being stuck with needles everyday. Injecting something into the female body that can alter her mood and feelings in a great way can be scary in itself.

I have come up with a scenario that could possibly sum up the IVF process. The process is like going through the airport with the security alert level being on red. You will probably eventually get to your flight, but you will have to go through hell to get there!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

2 Embryos on Board

I've been really bad at posting and keeping this updated. I'd like to blame my husband. I'm convinced he downloaded some kind of a virus on our computer at home and its been out of commission for 5 days now. I've finally gotten a lull at work and figured I write a quick update.

Wednesday's egg retrieval resulted in 7 mature eggs. Unfortunately, only 3 of them fertilized normally. Of course we spent the three days leading up to the embryo transfer worrying and reliving our last round of IVF where we had nothing left to transfer.

On Saturday we went in and were pleasantly surprised to learn we still had 3 developing embryos. They are graded on a scale of 1-4, with 4 being the best. After 3 days, they like to see the embryos at an 8 cell embryo. Here is what we had:

10-cell grade 4
8-cell grade 3
10-cell grade 2

We transferred the 10-cell grade 4 and 8-cell grade 3 as those were the strongest and graded the best. The 10-cell grade 2 was kept in the lab to monitor and see what it does. If it makes it another 3 days then they will freeze it.

I can't even tell how you amazing it was to know we were putting back two embryos that could potentially be our children. Its been such an emotional journey and clearly we are praying our hearts out for this cycle to end with a pregnancy. As soon as our computer is fixed, I will scan and post the picture of our embryos.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Day 8 Stim Check & Egg Retrieval on Wednesday

I went in again this morning for another stim check. My poor vagina is getting more action from the dildo cam than anything else! Here is how we are making out:

Left ovary: 18, 16, 15, 15, 13, 12, 12
Right ovary: 17, 15, 11 and three smaller ones
e2: 2,796

This afternoon I got the call that I need to trigger tonight with my 10,000 units of HCG and my egg retrieval will be on Wednesday at 7:50 am. Embryo transfer (god willing) will be either Saturday or Monday.

By the end of this, especially if I have the transfer on Monday, I'm sure my boss will think I'm dying. I've already been in late two days in the past week because of doctor's appointments/blood work and then I told her I would be out on Wednesday for some medical "testing". She got really concerned and said, 'I sure hope everything is okay'. She also asked what work she could do for me. I said I would get it taken care of, but I should have pushed back the board of directors presentation and holdings company deck she pawned off on me earlier today.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers on Wednesday!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Day 7 Stim Check

This morning we traveled an hour to our RE's main office for another stim check. This was my first stim check at this office and it started off on the wrong foot. Perhaps I'm a bit sensitive and irritable, but when the nurse called out Becky and was looking right in my face I was totally annoyed. Granted I grew up as Becky and my family still calls me Becky, but all my paperwork says Rebecca. Why the hell did she call me Becky? She quickly apologized why I snidely asked her if she was talking to me.

We went back into the ultrasound room and she seemed to have a very difficult time reading my left ovary as it was high. I'm not even sure she knew what she was doing and actually got on her phone during the procedure asking another nurse to come in and help. I'm not putting too much stock into my results because somewhere in the last two days I've lost a couple follicles. How the hell does that happen?

After the ultrasound, the nurse that came in to assist actually finished up with me and blood work. She must have been able to tell how damn irritated I was. Anyways, here is where we stand:

Left ovary: 15, 14, 14, 10, 9 and 4 smaller ones
Right ovary: 15, 12 and 3 smaller ones
e2: 1430

I'm continuing at my 375 of Gonal-F, 20 units of diluted Lupron and 10 units of low dose HCG. I have go back tomorrow morning for another check. Of course they cannot get me until 7:50 am. Awesome.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Day 5 Stim Check

It was after today's appointment that I realized how night and day my two IVF cycles are. Dr. D. is much more aggressive with my doses and I really think its going to pay off. After 5 days of stims my follicles are:

Left ovary: 12, 11, 11, 11, 11, 7 and 5 that are too small to measure and likely won't turn into anything

Right ovary: 12, 10 and 4 smaller ones

My e2 is 959

For IVF #1 I ended up with a total of 7 eggs retrieved and only 4 mature. Additionally, my e2 was just under 1,000 at time of trigger.

At this point I'm staying on the 375 nightly iu of Gonal-F and adding in 10 iu of low dose HCG and I will keep on the 20 units diluted Lupron twice daily. I go back in on Sunday morning for another check.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Monday, January 11, 2010

And We're Off....No Scrambled Eggs for Me

Although my IVF cycle tecnhnically started on 12/25 when I began the birth control, it really feels like it started last night. I started my diluted dose of Lupron on Friday and then started my Gonal-F (stims) last night.

I still haven't decided if I'm more nervous or excited. I still carry with me that renewed sense of hope the new doctor and protocol instilled in me back in October. I'm just now starting to see the difference a new doctor makes. I'm on a totally different protocol, my first dose of stims last night was 450 compared to the 150 I was for the first round of IVF.

This has to be a good thing, right? I mean I know I will never produce 20 eggs due to my low antral follicle count, but hopefully I can get at more than 4 mature eggs. I promise not to scramble or hardboil them......

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

From the Mouth of Michael: The Pressures of Spooging on Demand

From the Mouth of Michael:

On December 31st we made another visit to the RE so Rebecca could have a mock transfer.

I had the fortunate experience to give them a sample for them to freeze incase for some reason I am not able to produce any when it comes to the day they do the egg retrieval and do the insemination. It is never something I look forward to. But I got it out of the way and is one less thing or fear I have on my mind right know.

It reminds me of a swim meet. I have swam the back stroke before by practicing, but not sure how I was to perform in the race. Visualizing the race in my head, but getting more nervous as it got closer to the time the clock started. What if I got tired right away? What if it is really close? What if I get a bad time?

This was the same thing. What if I went into the room and didn't get a good time!!! No, not have a good time, get a good time!!!! Well my swim meet is over and I feel like I swam the best I could for the day and circumstances. Just have one big meet left coming up. I hope I don't die on the last lap!!!!!